there's paper in my vomit.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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