Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
