i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
