The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
