I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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