well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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