fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
