or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
