i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
