Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
