Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
