I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
