i just google imaged poop.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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