i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
