finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
