I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
