sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a hot homeless man
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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