Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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