Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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