I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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