when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
