i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
