she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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