that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
