Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
