I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
