My room smells like vodka and shame
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize