After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
