Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
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