I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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