I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
