Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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