How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
