i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
