apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
