he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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