i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
