my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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