You're so nebulous sometimes
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
