My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
