i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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