If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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