How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
