i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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