bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
