my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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