if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You are the jesus of drinking
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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