i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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