Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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