someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
