4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
