a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
