She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
