i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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