update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
