If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
