literally had 100 drinks last night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
