I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
