yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
