What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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