Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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