Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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