I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
