Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
