just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Randomize
