yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
