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somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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