Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
