Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
