Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
