Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
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I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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