Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
