cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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