Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
