I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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