Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
